London Police Foil Baleen Bomber

LONDON - Police in England successfully prevented a Baleen whale from carrying out what would have been the country's first marine mammal-assisted suicide bombing. The animal, outfitted only with a crude IED (improvised explosive device), a week's supply of food, and a hatred for the freedoms enjoyed by dolphins, was found in the River Thames at 5:00 GMT.

After hours of interrogation, it was discovered that he was lured into Al Qaeda's sea operation division, also known as Al Quatic. Police are investigating whether this is related to the IRA's infamous 1972 Octorocket attack, which resulted in the inking of 200 Londoners.